Stand Clear of the Angry Wasp

[13:44] mukreport: you know what sucks. i'll tell you what sucks.
[13:44] mukreport: you're on the subway
[13:44] mukreport: you're late for work
[13:44] mukreport: it's hot
[13:45] mukreport: you get into a car with no ac
[13:45] mukreport: it's crowded
[13:45] mukreport: and on top of all that ...
[13:45] mukreport: THERE'S A FUCKING YELLOWJACKET FLYING AROUND!
[13:45] mukreport: i could write a post about that.. but it looks like I JUST DID!
[13:45] RobTheBouncer: MUK REPORT!!!!

Atlantic Antic: Wholesome Family Fun

It was right next to the Wang Vindaloo.

(My sixth grade readership just tripled!)

[Atlantic Ave. LDC: Boring, Tasteful Snaps of the 2006 Antic]

Houston and Brown and Poop by Request!

[18:40] ColbyInColorado: dude, do you take blog "requests" ?
[18:41] ColbyInColorado: if so, I'd like to see some material on the Bobby Brown/ Whitney Houston breakup
[18:44] ColbyInColorado: low hanging fruit I know, but I trust you'll give it the unique twist that Leno and Letterman will miss...
[18:46] ColbyInColorado: Just to call out one highlight...
[18:46] ColbyInColorado: "Perhaps most memorably, Houston, best known for her tender ballads "I Will Always Love You" and "The Greatest Love of All," once recalled on the program how Brown once manually assisted her in a bowel movement."
[18:47] ColbyInColorado: Now that is truly the "Greatest Love of All"
[18:47] ColbyInColorado: I look forward to your post...

Well, Colby, you pretty much said it. I could just copy/paste your request and be done with it, but I'll punch things up a little.

TOP FIVE TOILET EMERGENCY THEMED WHITNEY HOUSTON SONGS

5. Hold On Help Is On The Way
4. Nobody Loves Me Like You Do(o)
3. Love Is A Contact Sport (ewww!)
2. In My Business
1. Why Does It Hurt So Bad

TOILET HUMOR FRIDAY BITCHES!!

[Yahoo! News: Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown Are Weird and Gross]

9/11: More Than Words

Yes, I was there on September 11, 2001. I stood transfixed at the corner of Maiden Lane and William St. at 9:02 AM, watching the conflagration in the North Tower when the world shook yet again as a 2nd Boeing 767 struck the South Tower with a seismic violence heretofore unfelt. Yes, I fled for my life, east down Maiden Lane, at 9:59 AM as a miasmic dust cloud, once the flesh and bones of a 110 story building, overtook Lower Manhattan. And yes, I lived and continue to live with the trepidation and uncertainty that all New Yorkers, nay, Americans face in this volatile post 9/11 world.

Yet in the weeks and months after, this wordsmith struggled to express to both himself and others the myriad emotions that roiled inside. We, as a society, frequently take pains to communicate poignantly the sorrow, confusion, and despair that we feel in times of crisis and catastrophe. In those times we rely upon the gifts of artists and artisans around us to depict our sentiments with the force and subtlety necessary to act as an emotional salve.

I offer my most sincere gratitude to the visual artists of our great country who, when faced with the decree to represent the damaged collective psyche, didn't miss the mark. Finally now, when that instinctive need to comprehend the complex range of emotions associated with greatest tragedy of this nation arises, we need look no further than the image of an eagle crying blood crudely Photoshopped alongside a pilfered, stock photograph of the Twin Towers exploding and burning to their demise.

USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!

P.S. Git-r-done.

It's Racist Post Friday!

From NY1,

The manager of the Chinatown bus company whose bus tipped over in Massachusetts on Tuesday, says the accident was due to the driver taking an unfamiliar route.

Did the manager, for a second, stop to think that maybe, just maybe, the bus crashed because...

...THE DRIVER WAS ASIAN?!

Now, two things,

1. Fuck you, I'm allowed to make that joke (joke?).

2. To my sick, racist, white devil readership that laughed. You were set up. Diversity training starts next week. Attendance is mandatory. Lunch (soup dumplings) will be served. These guys will provide afternoon entertainment.

[NY1: Chinatown Bus Manager Says Unfamiliar Route Caused Crash]

Jersey Shore Report #3: George Carlin Doppleganger

The following conversation took place at a NJ shore-area wine store,

Guy in Line Ahead of Me [to cashier]: Did anyone ever tell you you look like George Carlin?
Cashier: Oh yeah, heard that a bunch of times.
Guy in Line Ahead of Me: Well, it's true, you really do.
Cashier: Wish I had his money.
Cashier: [Chuckles]
Guy in Line Ahead of Me: [Chuckles]
Muk: [Chuckles then quickly re-grips]

Ok, I can understand the money thing, but isn't there something more valuable that one would covet from Mr. Carlin? Like, say, his SUBLIMELY BRILLIANT COMEDIC AND OBSERVATIONAL SENSIBILITIES?!

Although, come to think of it, he probably made a lot of scratch doing Thomas the Tank Engine.

P.S. Fuck you Hurrican Ernesto for ruining my long weekend!