Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Jersey Shore Report #1: Racial Pride (But Not the Bad Hitler Kind)

It was a banner inaugural weekend at the OC. Sure, there was plenty of the usual to please the senses, but one scene in particular trumps all.

Picture this: ambling down the boardwalk is a stunning, curvy, bikini-clad young woman of either Thai or Filipino decent. Simply gorgeous. And flanking her on the left is [fasten your seatbelts here] ...

... an Asian guy.

Yellow Fever may have decimated New York City and the rest of the nation, but South Jersey is still holding out.

Take that Hamptons!!!


Jersey: 1
Hamptons: 0

P.S. And no, it was not her brother (god, I hope I'm right).

Thursday, May 25, 2006

The Da Vinci Load

Anthony Lane, in his review of The Da Vinci Code film in this week's New Yorker, is unremittingly scathing and borderline hostile. It makes for some pretty entertaining reading.

In his conclusion, to wit, Lane remarks,

"The Catholic Church has nothing to fear from this film. It is not just tripe. It is self-evident, spirit-lowering tripe that could not conceivably cause a single member of the flock to turn aside from the faith. Meanwhile, art historians can sleep easy once more, while fans of the book, which has finally been exposed for the pompous fraud that it is, will be shaken from their trance."

Wow, who let the dogs out? Apparently, Anthony Lane did, that's who. On the The Da Vinci Code. You know, in the review.

Look, just fucking read it.

[New Yorker: Heaven Can Wait]

P.S. The puerile post title above is a shout out to middle school graduates across America. Remember, this is the time to remember because Billy Joel said so and he's pretty much a crazy bloated drunk these days so I guess he was right. Oh, and all that blah blah blah they fed you about run-on sentences - TOTAL BULLSHIT! You're welcome.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Personal Glimpses: Wife Strikes Back

[10:10] muk: i am wearing a dora the explorer bandaid.
[10:10] muk: file that under "instant credibility destroyer."
[10:11] HOC: that's ok cause you didn't have credibility to start with.
[10:11] muk: touché.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Personal Glimpses: 20 Seconds of My Life I'll Never Get Back

[10:36] HOC: anything interesting happen on sopranos?
[10:36] muk: yeah, they killed vito.
[10:37] HOC: why did you tell me?
[10:37] muk: you just fucking asked!!
[10:37] HOC: ok, don't tell me any more.
[10:37] muk: [bangs head repeatedly on desk]

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Personal Glimpses: A Conversation with My Wife Regarding Baby Names

[14:34] HOC: hey, baby name Mayuri
[14:34] HOC: shortened to May
[14:34] muk: lord no
[14:35] HOC: means "peahen"
[14:35] HOC: why not
[14:35] HOC: ?
[14:35] muk: i would rather have just "peahen"
[14:35] HOC: why? just explain why you don't like it so i have an idea
[14:35] HOC: i LOVE it
[14:36] muk: it's just not good
[14:36] muk: don't like the look/sound of it
[14:36] HOC: the indian name or the nickname?
[14:36] muk: both
[14:37] muk: it's light years beyond horrible.
[14:37] HOC: right and i love both
[14:37] HOC: i can't figure out what you dislike
[14:38] HOC: nickname too old fashioned?
[14:38] muk: yeah
[14:38] HOC: Mala?
[14:39] muk: the latin root "bad" is too obvious
[14:39] HOC: o please
[14:39] muk: beyond obvious. .mala is the female adjective form of "bad" in both spanish and italian.
[14:41] HOC: ok, you only shoot down names, give me a suggestion
[14:42] muk: later
[14:42] HOC: names i like: mali, mayuri, amala, asha, tess, fiona
[14:43] muk: tess, fiona.. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
[14:43] muk: that's a good one.
[14:43] HOC: you can laugh all you want but you are not even creative enough to have your own suggestions
[14:43] HOC: you are like [redacted], shooting down everything but not coming up with your own ideas
[14:44] muk: best name ever.
[14:44] HOC: well she will be tess unless you come up with an idea
[14:45] muk: i'm almost willing to go with tess b/c it's more or less a joke name.
[14:45] HOC: deal
[14:48] muk: I can't wait to explain to people, "hillary and i debated long and hard, but just couldn't decide between an early victorian or late victorian name for our daughter."
[14:48] HOC: you are an idiot
[14:48] HOC: tess isn't victorian
[14:48] muk: anything from a thomas hardy book is pretty much victorian
[14:49] HOC: as if you know ANYTHING about Victiorian literature
[14:49] muk:

"What's her name?"
"Oh, like, from that book."
"Umm, yeah. Look dude it wasn't my idea."

[14:50] HOC: no one has ever read that book
[14:50] HOC: it is obscure
[14:50] HOC: it is not even one of hardy's best loved
[14:50] HOC: i bet out of ten of us here in the english department 2 of us have read it
[14:51] HOC: you don't know what you are talking about
[14:51] HOC: i have met three little girls in our neighborhood named tess
[14:51] muk: doesn't matter who read it
[14:51] muk: it's like naming your kid othello.
[14:51] muk: no one read that either.
[14:51] muk: but everyone knows it.
[14:51] HOC: are you KIDDING ME??
[14:51] HOC: you cannot compare othello to tess
[14:52] HOC: first of all, everyone read or knows the story of othello
[14:52] muk: or mercutio.
[14:52] HOC: second of all no one names their kid othello and third it has no context outside of the play
[14:53] HOC: tess on the other hand is not well known, a common nickname for theresa and popular outside of the novel
[14:53] HOC: and NO ONE knows the story
[14:53] muk: it's popular among literary/yuppie types that try way too hard.
[14:53] HOC: if you knew the story you would have a much different opinion
[14:53] HOC: read it, then you will have a leg to stand on
[14:53] muk: i would rather name my daughter "thomas hardy"
[14:53] HOC: you are ignorant on this
[14:54] muk: you mean "ignint"
[14:54] HOC: yeah you are ignint too
[14:54] HOC: and just plain stupid
[14:55] muk: btw, thomas hardy wrote tess of the d'urbervilles to stir up the victorian middle class, so save it.
[14:55] muk: you know who told me?
[14:56] muk: WIKI-FUCKING-PEDIA!!
[14:56] muk: so stuff your fancy english degree.
[14:56] HOC: right
[14:56] HOC: you are real smart
[14:56] muk: game-set-match.

Friday, May 12, 2006

Apologies... and Dr. Katz

Sorry folks, I was sidetracked this week, and unable to post. Next week for sure.

The good news is that 90s Squigglevision classic, Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist, is now out on DVD. Dr. Katz fans know that this has been a long time coming.

Knockout, brilliant stuff.

[Froogle: Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist]

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

What's the Deal with Brown People?

Kaavya Viswanathan, self-proclaimed unwitting plagiarist, still appears to be in the waxing stage of the avalanche of doom that has befallen her.

Surely the Muk Report has something to say about all this, you ask?

You bet. Stay tuned.

[Gawker: Kaavya Viswanathan]