Hunting Badgers in Brooklyn
I have made a number of very disturbing observations in my neighborhood of late. I'm not talking about assaults, robberies, or the occasional giant trash bag full of dead pigeons.
I'm referring to the product that you see to your left. For $39.99 (plus $5.99 shipping, plus the last shred of your masculinity), you can own the Bumper Badger™.
There are at least two cars on my block that sport this thing. And every time I see it I want to rip it off and destroy the fucking bumper with an ice pick. Look, I keep a car in the city and I also park on the street. I understand the desire to keep one's car in good shape. But I will never put anything called the Bumper Badger™ on my ride. I mean, seriously, why not just wear a sandwich board with the words Feckless Yuppie over your body.
What's next? The Muffler Monkey™? The Headlight Hyena™? The Gas Cap Giraffe™?
To the enterprising people at Chariot Auto who realized they could make a shitload of money selling a $40 doormat to my neighbors: bravo.
To my neighbors: it's never too late to get your dignity back.
Or is it.
P.S. The Bumper Badger™ is not related to the Bag Hutch. Technically.