How Many of These Could I Move at 7th and Union?
posted by Muk @ 8:34 AM
82 comments
The Muk Report
When I think about my blog, I touch myself.
Friday, February 03, 2006
Previous Posts
- WINNER: Babelfuck Mistranslation Contest (#1)
- The Entropy of Online Translation
- Fuck This
- RESULTS: Guess the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Cont...
- Excuses, excuses...
- Pennsylvania's First Gay Middle School
- Guess the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest Winne...
- NYC Transit Strike Ends Just in Time
- Target (Literally)
- Tragedy Aint Tragicomedy
82 Comments:
How 'bout a double-width stroller
Caption:
Get outta my way!
Give a discount to those who own an Outback and you'd be rich.
I would buy the "How We Roll" shirt, and I don't have a baby or live in the slope.
I seriously want to buy the second one. That's hilarious.
How about this: "Tea Lounge is Breeder Ground" (and boy is it ever).
I love the coop. Hate the double-wide strollers. It's a tradeoff for the cheapest (good) groceries in the city.
I think the double wide stroller is a good idea, except that it should be an urban mountain buggy-- perhaps the caption should be "moving couch"
holy crap.
7th ave called, it want's its identity back.
Haters. Would you rather the procreators just give up and move to the suburbs?
I'm not a parent, but I never really understood the intellect that rails against them even when it's easy enough -- even in the heart of the Slope -- to give them wide berth and still get the best of what a very nice neighborhood has to offer.
Makes me wonder what a backlash against a backlash is called...
anonymous - fwiw, my intentions here were pretty innocent and somewhat self-satirizing. Not trying to stir up the hatred.
Can't we enjoy clog comfort and bask in the dorkiness of it all at once? I prefer my irony to be more complicated than this.
no way, volvos are way more apparent in the slope than outbacks!
How 'bout a Starbucks logo.
Caption: Starbucks for strollers!
sooo on point with this..!!
I think this is unfair. Someone should make fun of the Upper West Siders and Upper East Siders and Faux Hipster Lower East Siders first...
i agree, this is completely unfair. so what if there happens to be lots of outbacks, clogs, and buggaboos? it's what makes park slope park slope. get over it.
I want the stroller one!!
"Unfair" or not, it's frickin hysterical. I live in PS, though without kids, and I totally want one of these. Saturday/Sunday on 7th avenue is as bad as Broadway in Soho on a weekend.
And I agree that the next set of shirts should be about the LES hipsters...which I will also gladly fork over money for.
i'm a PS exile now in seattle - please make the clog one so i can better explain to my west coast friends what the slope is all about.
I think the T-shirts are pretty funny.
What really cracks up though are the pompous, humorless responses from those defending Da Slope. Boo hoo.
Your indignation is comedy gold, and has made my Friday a little brighter.
Thanks
the fact that someone knew that the double-wide was called a "buggaboo" is scary...
Way more Volvo than Outback. Bugaboos? Not many, given the size of mortgages. Go to Dumbo to get run over by one of these.
Good design, though.
You probably know this, but you're walking on the wild side of copyright. If these brands are smart, they'll be delighted by this, great buzz, but if not, well, you know the lawyers.
Good luck.
Be sure to do a search for Andy Heidel's Stroller Manifesto banning kids at Patio bar. Classic reading. Could someone teach those commies at the Co-Op how to use the PA? "Ah, (blows on mic), is this on? Ah, yes, Canyon, we need more environmentally friendly organic rainforest nut cereal in aisle nine please, thank you."
Love,
Billy
I live in MD, but familiar with the slope. I'd totally buy the bug one, that is great.
Live in the Slope, have a baby (although I don't use a stroller), wear Danskos often and I think it's great!
Hello from from Noe Valley/SF or Park Slope West...Same thing here. And these are crazy funny...You'd make a mill on 24th St. here....
i've lived (still do) in the slope for 15 yrs. and it all seems quite forced except for the stroller idea
(in concept. i am also a parent and know there are more of us in the slope that can't afford the bugaboo than can). all in good fun i suppose. hahahahahaha, ooh, my sides hurt.
How about a shirt with an 'F' train logo at the 7th ave subway station with caption reading:
"Next Stop, Montclair, NJ!"
I should know, I live there! But I wear those Dansko clogs so I guess they make their way across the Hudson probably as much as the ex-Slopers!
I. Really. Want. One. Seriously - make them for real.
y'all are really showing your true colors. Sense of humor people!!
HIlarious. I'd sell these in my shop in a minute.
don't have a baby or a car, but I love my dansko's...don't hate til you've worn 'em. Shirt to match the shoes, put me down for 1.
Concept: brilliant.
Not having actual t-shirts ready for the mongrel hordes banging down your door: an unfortunate oversight.
You gotta have vision, Muk baby!
I grew up in the Slope and showed this to my mom who has a Suburu (and a Volvo) and has about six pairs of the clogs. She thought it was hilarious and wanted to know if she could buy the t-shirts (in black -- take note). I don't know about the Bugaboo. They don't really have that earthy quality. The Baby Bjorn was really big. In any case, my mom now lives near New Paltz, which is infested with Slopee shrinks.
I'll take the corner of 7th and Connecticut Muffin. I bet I'll sell the most!!! Bring it!
Some of you commentators REALLY need to lighten up, geez.
I think you need have another one with a screaming child on it, with a caption of "It's my Park Slope and I'll cry if I want to."
The Outback also needs to be replaced with a Volvo.
Can we rag on the Co-Op more? For me it's the center of the self-righteous in Park Slope. All these socialist wannabes in their expensive clothes standing around looking self-impressed. How many people does it take ring up some environmentally friendly biodegradable peanut-free toilet paper anyway? You've got about a dozen knuckleheads sitting behind some table tallying up God knows what and talking about their latest yoga class. And don't get me started on the Nazis in their friggin orange vests who check member cards at the door and feel obligated to make inane comments on your "status." Any time I've been there I feel like I'm at the DMV. You've got to go to one line to do one thing with some dreadlocked wearing hippie wannabe who needs a good bathing and then another to exchange money with some nitwit with a nose pierce (among others, no doubt) who acts like he/she has never counted change before and couldn't possibly be any more miserable looking if they tried. O, I could go on all day...
Love,
Billy
hell, i've never even been to NY and even I love these. i think we have the same phenomena here in berkeley ca. not as many volvos. you can see the outbacks being valet-parked on weekends while the owners are inside tasting $7 gourmet organic marshmallows and being rung up by the cutest, tattooed little vegan goth babes in those little green aprons.
At least in Berkeley the co-ops are friendly (lived in the Bay Area, live in the Slope now) and less self-righteous -- I couldn't agree more about how ludicrous the PS Co-op is. The selection is pretty crappy compared to the CA ones and the attitude is not worth it.
The Co-op-ers are definitely the people who have no sense of humor about these fantabulous shirt designs!
I want the Bugaboo shirt!
Please consider printing these babies up and selling them. I'll man the table in front of the Citibank on 7th and President. Get everyone right after they stock up on cash for the weekend. :-)
http://www.cafepress.com/keither.43850692
PH representing already. Cheaper than an Outback, and folds up to not block the sidewalk like a Bugaboo!
The clogs made me ROFL though.
12:31 Anonymous-- if THAT t-shirt said "How We Roll," it would be excellent.
Let's not forget our beloved native business owners. Seems like every knucklehead with too much money and time on their hands is either opening up a restaurant or one of those overpriced boutiques. The restaurants are the worst. They're run like Mickey Rooney and his pals putting on a big show for the neighborhood. "Hey, I waitressed once!" and "Yeah, and I took a design class in college!" "LET'S OPEN A RESTAURANT!" Everyone's so helpful and friendly and smiley and the place sure looks groovy. Meanwhile, the service sucks, the food is lousy and nobody knows what the freak they're doing. Check, please! Every time I read a positive review of that Applewood place I cringe. The owners couldn't possibly be more obnoxious and their baby, while cute as the dickens, is passed around like a rugby ball and probably sticking her mucous-ridden fingers in my omelet. That place is baby germs central. And don't get me started on that "new" mexican place on 5th Avenue. Lobo? Rio Bravo? It's near Union. Oh me dios, how do you say "dog food" in spanish? The service is pure chaos, no one knows what they're doing and to make matters even worse, the tap beer is always flat. El cheque, por favor!
Love,
Billy
Muk these are hysterical - I love the stroller!!!
me too, 1:38, me too.
on so many levels, the clog thing is funny as hell. i refuse to wear my danskos when i'm out there because i know that i look like one of the clones. i mean not that seattle's not full of clones but i live far enough north to avoid them.
I have to agree with the one who pointed out this is not bugaboo territory (for those not familiar, the stroller on the third item is called a Bugaboo, and runs about $800). 80% of the strollers in park slope are Maclarens. You see many more bugaboos in Dumbo and the UWS.
Very funny!
I drive a volvo station wagon, have an orange bugaboo frog, where clogs and rectangular glasses. Have I reached critical mass yet? How about one that says" Messiah Syndrome"
i'll give you the subaru but the clogs? i don't see it. and the bugaboo is way more manhattan. the slope is more mclaren.
The Slope is more Maclaren country, but the Bugaboo was a better visual.
It's Valentine's Day in 10 days -- where do I get my Outback driving husband a size large?
Muk knows the Bugaboo affordability more than anyone. He wouldn't let me buy one. We have a Maclaren (or more than one).
He will however outfit his entire family in Danskos and laugh about it. We don't have an Outback (yet).
Heeee, I was born in methodist when strollers were not cool at all, so Papa carried me around in a bright red courderoy (how on earth do you spell that?) sling thingy.
If you want to get really controversial, make a shirt with a West Indian nanny pushing around a bunch of teeny frenchies or swedes. Or a lady with a spinning head and steam coming out her ears with saying "GET OUT OF MY PTA MEETING!!!!"
Oh dear. I love Park Slope, as silly as it has gotten, and I always will.
Love the shirt with the stroller. Listen, people, nobody is hating on procreation (or strollers). But whenever I get a half-day off from my double shift at the factory, or take a walk for some fresh air amidst six consecutive days of studying for exams, do I need to see the same constipated-looking women rolling their spawn around at noon while buying lattes and organic produce? My theory is that there is just one woman, and two babies, and one double-wide stroller, AND THEY ARE VERY, VERY FAST. AND BUSY.
Park Slope is an excellent place to live if you don't mind the unremitting stench of soiled diapers and the din of braying infants.
fucking HATERS!!!
I've had family in the slope for ~25 years and have seen it change, for the good 90% - but I still love the hood.. What other neighborhoods do you like better that are decent for raising kids???
If seeing kids piss you off, move to Williamsburg and get pissed off by mesh hats. Or move to the LES and get pissed off by yuppies, or move to the suburbs and get pissed off by EVERYONE.
The other interesting thing is - most of the people that HATE on the strollers in the slope aren't even FROM Park Slope non the less NYC.. Most people I know that are from PS still love it.
Everything is what it is - stop hating on a great neigbhorhood.
~Single LES resident / no kids
I live in the Slope and hate it for all of the above reasons.
a) Billy, I think I kinda love you.
b) Looooove these. I lived in The Slope for almost a year and it was awful, lonely and people there were always so rude and arrogant. I always got preached at on how cool I was for living there by others who lived there, and how it's impossible to live in Manhattan because it's too expensive. Bah! I'm so much happier in Manhattan. Less cultish and creepy.
How about all those nitwits who bray an order of CHAI LATTE WITH SOY MILK, PLEASE, NO WHIP!!! at the tattoo laden pierced worker bees at Gorilla Coffee - while holding their omnipresent cell of course. Love that. Then there's this one typical moron who lives in the brownstone next to me. She's ever so impressed with herself for her dopey job at some music company. "Wendy" is constantly walking around the hood with one of those dopey cell ear thingies with the mic that hangs down. SHE TALKS LIKE THIS TO HER 'FRIENDS' and gives you a dirty look back if you happen to look at her while she's TALKING. What an idiot. I'm so proud of myself for carding her in front of a crowd of her "friends" when I was working the door at one of the bars in the 'hood.
Can we also talk about the male clones who have infested this 'hood? You know what I'm talking about. Let me describe them. They're especially noticeable in the summer time. There's two brands. One has a shaved head, the other long hair tied back in a ponytail. Both brands have at least one ear pierced, but usually both. Mandatory goatee and/or soul patch. Some decorative facial hair, leave it at that. Long shorts are mandatory, as are either Birkenstocks or some form of mandals. Outfitted with man bag, too, preferably from Brooklyn Industrial. Dress shirt over t-shirt. Some sort of dopey fishing hat or baseball cap. I swear there are thousands of them in this 'hood. It's like the pods in the Invasion of the Body Snatchers. More like Invasion of the Dorks. Love, Billy
Others lame.
I.cool.
Their ____ suck.
My ___ are cool.
lifestyle, clothes, hair, family life, music, film, art, consumerism (what matters)
Yuppies.hipsters.hippies.jocks.geeks ..normal people.abnormal people .but the ones who agree with me...harmless fun-poking .connectivity.understanding
the same boat. massive game.cosmic timer. ticking. .person .hurt greatest gift
cut up method
Me -
Park Slope Parent;
Brownstone owner;
Bugaboo pusher;
93 Volkswagon Passat;
sneakers - not clogs;
love the 'Slope;
hate the baby haters;
my kid does not hang out in bars but can't I take him to the patio at the Gate at 2:00pm on a Saturday without annoying you?;
love the t-shirts.
Using cut-up method.
You
- follower
- slave to trends and material goods
- white guilt
- cell phone abuse
- breeder
- part time parent (leave tough parts to the West Indian nanny)
- dominator of sidewalk with doublewide
- gas guzzling closet Republican
Me
- have actually read burroughs
Love,
Billy
Y'know, 10 or 15 years ago these would have had power tools on them.
you're more than welcome to bring your rug rat to the gate's patio so long as i can have a few beers at your kid's nursery school social functions.
by the way, ever work in a bar? i have. it's tough enough without having to navigate around huge strollers and unsupervised kids running rampant. don't get me started on the stiffs who ask for water and glasses of OJ like it's going out of style and then don't tip accordingly.
Love,
Billy
Billy - do you have a blog of your own? You're spot on with the rant about the new restaurants in Park Slope, particularly 5th Avenue.
I do, but there's only one entry and it's from last year. In other words, I'm lazy *and* self-righteous. you can email me at bonzomontreux@yahoo.com for URL info. Love, Billy
I have no sympathy for bartenders. My my experience is that 95% are pure assholes. They never thank you when you tip them, they ignore you for the hot young chick, and they think they are the coolest thing since sliced bread.
Billy,
You -
-single
-live in a studio rental
-going deaf from too much iPod use
-Dave Matthews is your hero
-but you tell chicks you like Jazz
-artist wannabe, but work in the mailroom of a law firm
Oh babs, you big heartbreaker.
Me
- don't own an iPod.
- single but attached.
- kinda look like Dave Matthews but don't enjoy his music.
- work from home.
- rock star wannabe.
- rent spacious one-bedroom in the Slope.
You
- love me and my posts.
Love,
Billy
I thought this was just a clever blog until I started reading some of the self-important, humorless, negative comments. Everything in parade posts from the early offended PSers, to those critiquing choice of stroller brand, to finally the clown who alludes to a legal background and then suggests you might be sued for copyright infringement is a perfect shrine to the original posting. That anonymous who likes his/her irony more complex—what was he/she talking about?
Us
> Maclaren, like 95% of the Slope, think Bugaboos are more "Dumbo" (bug have a Baby Jogger, get around me now, beeyotch!)
> Love the existence of the Park Slope Parents, are dumbfounded by picayune fights
> Quite enjoy taking our baby into bars and restaurants, tip well since we're wracked with middle class guilt + are desperate to think we still go out enough
> Mixed relationship with Birkenstocks, although have lost favorites in move
> Don't have any nanny, but did like the West Indian ladies in the hospital nursery who taught us to swaddle hard core
I don't have a baby, but I once had a pet turtle. Can I move to the slope and take myself too seriously?
Wow. These things get hostile. I grew up in the Slope, and would never live there again, and neither would most of my friends. There is something a bit cultish about the place, and there are a lot of really unfriendly people (ever live in a co-op there? I have, as have friends, and it makes the UES seem like a bastion of open inclusiveness. I'm talking shockingly nasty stuff.). Obviously, this doesn't apply to everyone (duh), but even in the Heights people are much more pleasant and less inclined to say that living in that neighborhood MEANS something. For me, the Slope has always had the vibe of "be open minded and like I am or else." It's kind of oppressive. I'm sure other people have different experiences, and it was a lovely place to grow up, more or less (although being not-rich wasn't well regarded, even in the 80s). I don't know I've lived in a lot of places in the city, country, and abroad and have never come across so much nastiness. Not everyone, obviously, not even most people, but more than in other places.
Of course the insulted get hostile. Truth hurts.
Kill Your Cellphone
you got the clogs and the Subaru so right, but it's gotta be a Phil & Ted's stroller!! Bugaboos are so DUMBO, man!
I say have CafePress make these shirts! i am moving outof the Slope after 11 years, and I have to say that the change in the demographics has been dramatic. Slopers are the most smitten, self-content people I have ever encountered. They MUST buy new $500 strollers for thier kids. They MUST drink premium coffee and wine. They are just happy to be the weathly liberals that they are. I am a liberal. I am wealthy. But I end pregnancies for a living, and seeing so many scremaing kids on the street with smitten parents makes me sick. The irony is, i am off to Inwood, which for all I know, could look like the Slope in another 10 years. Make the shirts, dudes! And good riddance, Slope.
Interesting to know that being a parent and being rich are the same thing. Can I have some money too?
Wow - the comments on here are crazy.
First - T-Shirt is hysterical. Stroller one is great, though should be a McClaren (I do not have kids but am a douting aunt of 2 nephews no longer in strollers)
The clog one is funny because my mother has been wearing clogs since 1978.
I have lived since I was 1 year old, 1970. I currently live in a studio apartment I rent. People have not always been rich in this neighborhood and neither are all the people in this neighborhood rich.
There are different economic classes here in the slope - not everyone is rich, not by a long shot. Many people have been here for years or bought their places with others to be able to afford the price.
Are prices getting too high -- you bet. Why is that? Well one of the reasons is people like xboxer2218 who move into neighborhoods becuase they are "IN" . I want people in this neighborhood because they want to live here and be a part of a real neighborhood in the middle of NYC.
Real Park Slopers have no one way they act or one way they expect others to act. People who demand others act specific ways are assholes and is not a Park Slope trait.
Park Slopers are mixtures of people. Many are old timers and some are newbies. Some are passing through because they think its in or cool - they are the people who annoy me.
"Second, the red Urban Mountain Buggy is the only way to travel with twins. Just get out of my way or you will get run over. "
This statement pretty much sums up why non-child-having folks get annoyed by stroller pushers. They often have this attitude and a sense of entitlement.
Are these shirts for real? 'cause if they are, I want to buy some. I'd wear it on A sunday afternoon while strolling at 7th ave. PS and at the Tea Lounge.
We're leaving the most chlid friendly area of NYC because, in truth, it's only child-friendly if you can afford to buy a big co-op, or even a whole brownstone, and, like most young families, we really can't swing it.
Post a Comment
<< Home