Eyes Wide Shut

It looks like Hollywood top gun, Tom Cruise, may be on a real mission impossible (I'm so fucking clever!). In a recent interview with Pulitzer-caliber Access Hollywood journalist, Billy Bush, the diminutive 42-year-old Scientologist and high school drop-out offered his opinions on Ritalin, SAT scores, and the psuedo-science commonly known as psychiatry.

On the latter,

"I'm going right after psychiatry and these false labels and this psuedo-science. There is no science behind it. And to pretend that there is a science behind it is criminal."

On standardized test scores (and toilets),

"SAT scores have gone right down the toilet. The parents are blaming the teachers. The teachers are blaming the parents. Okay? And the psychs are putting everyone on drugs."

I have no idea what this is about,

"Well, I will agree there are a lot of misperceptions about a lot of things in life. I don't agree that there is a general misconception or perception. I believe there are people who don't know what it is. But there are people that don't know what it is and there are people that know what it is."

On Jewish Scientologists,

"There are Jewish Scientologists."

And finally, on caring,

"Because I care, man. I care. I care about you. I care about your children. I care about these people here in this room, every one of you. And I mean it."

You care about my children? Dude, that's kinda creepy.

Hey Tom, if you really cared, you would spare us your brainwashed, sanctimonious ramblings and go back to the press junket for Mission Impossible 12 or whatever potboiler it is you're currently plugging.

Thanks for saving us from the windmills, Mr. Quijote.