Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Tom Cruise vs. American Psychiatric Association

Water Sports

A while ago I posted about high school drop-out/actor Tom Cruise's recent Scientology-based ramblings. Well, it looks like the dipshit train isn't slowing any time soon.

Cruise recently met with Today Show's Matt Lauer where he went on a predictably silly and animated tirade against the psychiatry profession. The American Psychiatric Association responded to this and I thought it would be cool to put the pieces together to get a glimpse of what a discussion between the two would look like,

American Psychiatric Association: While the APA respects the right of individuals to express their own points of view, science has proven that mental illnesses are real medical conditions that affect millions of Americans.

Tom Cruise: I know that psychiatry is a pseudo science.

American Psychiatric Association: Medications can be an important and even life-saving part of a comprehensive and individualized treatment plan. As in other areas of medicine, medications are a safe and effective way to improve the quality of life for millions of Americans who have mental health concerns.

Tom Cruise: Do you know now that Ritalin is a street drug? Do you understand that? They're mind-altering, antipsychotic drugs.

American Psychiatric Association: Mental health is a critical ingredient of overall health. It is unfortunate that in the face of this remarkable scientific and clinical progress that a small number of individuals and groups persist in questioning its legitimacy.

Tom Cruise: Here's the problem. You don't know the history of psychiatry. I do.

American Psychiatric Association: Over the past five years, the nation has more than doubled its investment in the study of the human brain and behavior.

Tom Cruise: There is no such thing as a chemical imbalance. I don't talk about things that I don't understand.

American Psychiatric Association: God, you are a fucking idiot.

Ok, so I made up the last line. Nonetheless, I would have to say APA: 1, Cruise: 0.

Better luck next time, douchebag.


Cruise on the Today Show
APA Response

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Current Blog Reading

I am totally, and almost inexplicably, hooked on the blog of Jason Mulgrew. He may just be a David Attell in the making.

Rupert Jee

Umm, so much for that whole "one post a day" thing.

Anyhoo, Letterman fans out there will certainly be interested in this interview with Hello Deli proprietor, Rupert Jee, courtesy of Gothamist.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

The Muk Report: Behind the Scenes

To give you, the reader, some idea of the sheer creative might that propels The Muk Report onward, upward, never downward, but sometimes sideward, I offer you the following alternate headlines for the last post,

Jane Fonda's Complete Ego Workout
On Golden Shower
The Vagina Syndrome
Jane Fonda is a Stupid, Stupidhead

Someone's Not "Fonda" Jane

Hanoi Jane

God, am I getting fucking good at writing these headlines, or what?

Tom Carson's review of Jane Fonda's new autobiography, My Life So Far, in the current Atlantic Monthly, spares few barbs for the 67-year-old actress and erstwhile Vietnam war activist cum (hee hee) fitness maven.

Describing her life as "a hurricane in a pawnshop if ever there was one," the apoplectic Carson manages to write an entire book review without, well, ever really talking about the book itself.

On Fonda's lifelong, pathological self-involvement,

"That Fonda can still be an unconscious narcissist after all these years is triumphant proof that she's as American as smart bombs and Bozo."

This is a thoroughly entertaining, if tendentious, piece. If the image of Hanoi Jane still elicits rancor and you are looking for more reasons to hate her, this one's for you.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

More What's Not For Dinner

Yum A Dum Dum!

Continuing the ass-nasty foods and the people that eat them for our entertainment thread...

I have been using the ARPANET long enough that I generally no longer say things like, "I can't believe there's a website for [INSERT RANDOM ARCANA]."

That said, I offer you The Potted Meat Food Product Tribute Page.

A Google search for "potted meat food product" yielded 510 results. What does that tell me? Mostly that there are, at a minimum, 510 too many websites out there.

(511 if you count this one.)

What's Not For Dinner


Remember those old episodes of Letterman where Chris Elliott would come out and eat dog food? Well, if you enjoyed that, you will most certainly get a kick out of the Steve, Don't Eat It! series on The Sneeze.

Join Steve as he samples, among other disgusting crap, pickled pork rinds, chocolate breast milk, and something called, simply, potted meat food product, about which he writes,

"The list of ingredients is long and horrifying, coming right out of the gate with "MECHANICALLY SEPARATED CHICKEN." Oddly enough, I'm about to be separated from my lunch, and I haven't even opened the can yet.

Other ingredients include BEEF TRIPE, BEEF HEARTS, AND "PARTIALLY DE-FATTED COOKED PORK FATTY TISSUE" How does one de-fat fat? Bizarre. God knows what else is in here.

Okay, I'm going to go try it now. If i'm not back in ten minutes, call Poison Control..."

In the latest installment, Steve brews and samples his own version of pruno - aka prison wine.

I recommend checking out this site at least 1-2 hours prior to your next meal. To some of you, I recommend not checking out the site at all.

Special props to LSE grad student, Sujith Kumar, for this tidbit.

(Please tell me this isn't part of your dissertation.)

Monday, June 13, 2005

How Do I Look?


No, wiseass, the above is not me circa 1983. Although, sadly, in all likelihood, it very well could have been.

It is, however, one of many gems in the Museum of Bad Album Covers.

Friday, June 10, 2005

Literally, You Go Girl

Your thin girlfriend is going away, from Craigslist NYC.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

More Bible Study

Holy Moses!

If my last post leaves more to be desired, check out The Brick Testament, a rather incredible and ambitious telling of the Bible using, no joke, Legos.

Holy Moses is right!

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Bible Study

Some Light Reading

Something tells me that they have probably blocked access to The Skeptics Annotated Bible over at places like Oral Roberts University, that were founded "upon the unchanging precepts of the Bible."

Monday, June 06, 2005

Howard Dean Offers Olive Branch to GOP

You bet I'm pissed!


Some comments about the opposition made by DNC Chairman, Howard Dean,

"They're a pretty monolithic party. Pretty much, they all behave the same, and they all look the same."

"It's pretty much a white Christian party."

The full article courtesy of the San Francisco Chronicle.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Feds Put Kibosh on Chronic


This, from Reuters,

"The 6-3 ruling means the federal government can enforce a federal law prohibiting the cultivation, possession and use of medical marijuana even in the 10 states where it is legal under state law."

An individual affected by the recent court ruling claims the following,

"If I were to stop using cannabis unfortunately I would die," the 39-year-old [Angel] Raich told reporters. "This is the only way I have to combat my suffering."

Raich? Angel Raich?? THE Angel Raich that smoked me up at a Phish show in '93? Dude, we gotta hook up. Holla back!

Thursday, June 02, 2005

This Just In... Rich White People Owned Slaves

Strom Da Bomb

From CNN/Money,

"Two predecessor banks of Wachovia Corp. (WB) owned slaves before the Civil War, the nation's fourth-largest bank said Wednesday as it made an apology to black Americans."

"We are deeply saddened by these findings," Wachovia Chairman Ken Thompson said in a statement. We apologize to all Americans, and especially to African-Americans and people of African descent."

I have to wonder why Wachovia is apologizing for acts that, though now understood to be morally aberrant and despicable, were commonplace and (unfortunately) legal when they occurred. Thompson, here, is offering contrition and condolences for actions so far removed in space and time from Wachovia that his gesture borders on the absurd.

"John Boyd, the president of National Black Farmers Association, said his group has been picketing and lobbying Wachovia and other banking giants for eight years, urging them to investigate and acknowledge their historical involvement with the slave trade."

Hate to say it, but John Boyd sounds an annoying, misguided prick.

There certainly are individuals who should atone for these wrongdoings, but unfortunately most of these people died MORE THAN A HUNDRED YEARS AGO.

Is Thompson responsible for scouring the historical record and rooting out every entity associated with Wachovia to determine if they were in breach of all of our current laws and mores? Maybe he should be forced to build a fucking time machine and round up the alleged perpetrators and return them for impeachment.

Ooh, and I think I know just the man to help him out.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

A Compelling Poll...

...from The Onion Radio News.